"I remember seeing mice in the Malone House cafeteria"

The President of the War on Terror sat at the lip of my litter box and dangled his glassine, pointed legs. His eyes watered. He didn't blink.

"Walter Reed Army Hospital is filled with lice and bugs," I said, "and you're grazing at the lip of my litter box."

"You don't understand, Shimmy. I need that copy of the Constitution your cousin Winter mailed you."

"Tammy Duckworth wouldn't eat in the Walter Reed Army Hospital cafeteria because of the mice. I crunch their rancorous bones. All you had to do was ask."

"It's complicated. What to say to the Constitution." My whiff of his pant legs -- a disappointing meadow bland with cows. "Where's that Constitution? I need it."

"Tammy Duckworth lost her legs because of you. You could've asked me to eat the mice running in the kitchen walls of the Malone House cafeteria, where she learned to live without the legs you took away from her."

"Iran, you know. It's evil, a bad daddy. We're more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure. Does Trish have the Constitution? I really need it."

"You infantilized this whole country. Or you'd be clearing brush in Texas."

I licked my right paw and washed my forehead. Everything tastes like Enacard. A sack with catnip trapped in it hides under the rug or the couch or loveseat. Maybe the ottoman.

"The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein," the President of the War on Terror said, "because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself. We killed him and destroyed the cell phone cameras in Iraq so you'd be safer."

"Electricity comes out of holes in my wall. Why do scientists hate America?"

"Sometimes I wish I never was born, Shimmy. Or maybe born a turtle instead of a little boy."

"Eat your barbecue and shut your mouth!

Episode Thirteen: "Our Country is Poorly Equipped for Delight"

MARY: Iraqi security forces and American soldiers are patrolling the streets of Baghdad together to provide security so the citizens of Iraq can live in a safer environment.

RHODA: The situation in Iraq is grave and deteriorating. If the situation continues to deteriorate, the consequences could be severe.

MARY: Day after day it happened this way, till I got fed up with it!

MURRAY SLAUGHTER: A slide toward chaos could trigger the collapse of Iraq’s government and a humanitarian catastrophe.

RHODA: Neighboring countries could intervene.

MARY: Sunni-Shia clashes could spread.

RHODA: Al Qaeda could win a propaganda victory and expand its base of operations. The global standing of the United States could be diminished.

MURRAY: Americans could become more polarized.

MARY: There could be too much terror to be president of the war on.

MURRAY: There is significant underreporting of the violence in Iraq. The standard for recording attacks acts as a filter to keep events out of reports and databases.

RHODA: A murder of an Iraqi is not necessarily counted as an attack.

MARY: If we cannot determine the source of a sectarian attack, that assault does not make it into the database.

RHODA: A roadside bomb or a rocket or mortar attack that doesn’t hurt U.S. personnel doesn’t count.

MARY: Professor, take off your bicycle glasses!

RHODA: For example, on one day in July 2006 there were 93 attacks or significant acts of violence reported. Yet a careful review of the reports for that single day brought to light 1,100 acts of violence.

MURRAY: Good policy is difficult to make when information is systematically collected in a way that minimizes its discrepancy with policy goals.

GUY DEBORD: The totalitarian-ideological class in power is the power of Dick Cheney's topsy-turvy world. The stronger it is, the more it claims not to exist, and its force affirms above all to affirm its nonexistence.

Who Wants Giant Shoes?

The giant was standing next to Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven.

She was only as tall as the giant's feet.

The giant's shoes were made of brown suede leather shaped to fit his ankles. They were tied with black cord laces in front.

He was so huge Hannah Hoch couldn't see past his boots.

Stone steps appeared to the giant's left. Leonora Carrington stood on the giant's right.

Blue Airplane Scissors

At the recital, Sheila Escovedo borrowed Emma Goldman's shoes because hers were too small and ugly. She wore three pairs of socks so they would fit.

At night Glenda Jackson sniffs Olga de Volga's shoes, treats them with a spray, and places them in a cupboard.

Rosa Luxembourg had watched Voltairine de Cleyre shovel sand into her cousin's shoes. Suddenly, in the fury of their amusement, Naomi Yang wondered if she was ever going to be OK.

Kari Krome was lying down with her head above Shelly's red shoes, which were off at the time.

What started as a lark soon became a dangerous deception, as spirited Danielle Dax stepped into her look-alike sister's shoes.

The last time I saw shoes with lights on them? Vanessa Redgrave's a decade ago.

Dinah Cancer turns around. On the back porch are Georgia Hubley's shoes, just sitting there.

Changing into Alexandra Kollontai's shoes (pink dress still firmly in place), Rosalind Cash wins the game and remembers years later how good it felt to hear the cheers while stealing home.

Coveting Dorothy Tristan's sister's dog's trainer's cousin's shoes.

List X

The skittering
I hear
each night
in the kitchen wall
is "winnable,"
says U.S. Navy
Rear Adml.
Mark Fox

"The moving
finger writes":
using automatic writing,
I predict
the arrest
of the entire
Central Intelligence Agency

Can the President
of the War on Terror
be impeached
for choking
former CIA Director
George Tenet?

My troop surge:
I crouch
20,000 times
in my litter box,
but there's
no litter
in the box

Believe me,
this is not
the day
you want
to pick me up

Out the window,
the death
of every squirrel
between
my jaws

I want
my opinions
on scrapbooking
to gain
a wider
audience

Go ahead,
try
to pick me up
and
I'll slap
your face

The case
against
pre-emptive
holocaust
in Iran

I'm so
far
under
the bed
you'll never
find me