Hooray For Our Chains (34)

Episode Thirty-Four: "Has Anyone Looked in Gen. McChrystal's Ears Lately?"

MARY: If you say, "Gen. Stanley McChrystal smells bad," it is certainly not Gen. McChrystal's fault.

RHODA: It's probably because he is not clean, and this is President Obama's fault. Coalition troops instinctively keep clean through regular grooming.

MARY: Gen. McChrystal grooms most of his body but not those parts he cannot get to because of his size. He still smells nice.

TEX BAXTER: The General is a tuneless, vernal junction quacked in skimming bullhide. He is tickled humbly fonder (but, geometrically, a scatterbrained prince singsonged his conferring illustration).

RHODA: Smell is subjective, Mary. A person may not like the smell of a cat. This is unlikely.

MARY: Another possibility is that Gen. McChrystal is giving off pheromones, the scheme of his glands.

RHODA: Gen. McChrystal smells like onions sometimes. What is it? His environment is clean.

MARY: I don't think he drinks enough water, Rhoda. Gen. McChrystal prefers to drink out of the faucet -- and, obviously, the faucet doesn't run all day. My only other thought would be some sort of skin infection.

TED BAXTER: Frosting into shade, all booth and all warmth, minus the hob that abbreviated his reconnaissance. Eliciting all your sociologists. He hinders sixty explanations, speaking unlike neither captive comparatively.

RHODA: Check Gen. McChrystal between his toes -- examine the skin folds. Check to see if the gums are red or raw. Look at the gums above the back teeth. A bacterial infection can cause an odor, but I would think that Gen. McChrystal would have noticed something if that was the case.

MARY: Ear infections and dental disease can produce strong smells. Has anyone looked in his ears lately? Make sure they are clean.

RHODA: He isn't going to like it, so wear long sleeves. Check those teeth and gums, Mary. Wash him in tomato soup.