The Surge

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: As a bottom line up front, Shimmy, the military objectives of the surge are, in large measure, being met. In addition to the wet food you find in your dish every morning, you now get Pounce Moist Chicken Flavor treats at night.

SHIMMY: It is not enough for the administration to counsel patience until the next milestone or the next can of Friskies Salmon Dinner.

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: This chart shows the security challenges in Iraq.

SHIMMY: How come everything still tastes like Enacard?

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: In our recent efforts to look to the future, we found it useful to revisit the past. As a result, Ngo Dinh Diem requested additional forces to enable the coalition to accomplish its tasks and those forces began to flow in January.

SHIMMY: What if Condoleezza Rice tries to steal my food again?

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: I don't know, actually.

SHIMMY: Are you able to say that if we continue what you have laid out here as a strategy, this will make my food dish safer?

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: I have not sat down and sorted it out in my own mind.

SHIMMY: What are you going to do about Sean Hannity? I've seen him on his knees, lapping my water dish.

GENERAL DAVID PETRAEUS: Maybe if we had taken Sean Hannity when Sudan offered him on a silver platter, we’d be in better shape today.