Karl Rove: Thou Elvish-Marked, Abortive, Rooting Hog

Karl Rove rubs his pudgy hands together over the supine body of José Padilla. Karl Rove rubs his jobless hands in glee. Karl Rove rubs a seeding dandelion under his boss's chin until the President of the War on Terror falls asleep clearing brush in Crawford, Texas. Karl Rove, unemployed, rubs his cheek against the bathtub spigot because he misses that heavy, stick-to-your-ribs Ukrainian home cooking. Karl Rove capitulated completely, offering total loyalty as he accepted the position of White House Reich Ministry for Popular Enlightenment and Propaganda: “I love him," Karl Rove wrote, rubbing his chubby little hands together, "because he has thought through everything. Such a sparkling mind can be my leader. I bow to the greater one, the political genius, the President of the War on Terror." Karl Rove rubbing his porcine body along an arm or leg of its human is not only a way in which to attract attention (and perhaps a morsel of food); it is also a way of "marking" the United States as his own. The next time you see Karl Rove rubbing up against something, you'll know that he is claiming it as its property.