My Index

Ratio of the number of U.S. tenth-graders who smoke marijuana in a given month to the number of torture deaths that can be attributed to John Yoo from 2002-2008: 11:10

Average number of text messages sent or received each month by an American teen that say, "Every parish must destroy the old oils from last year and get new oils from the Chrism Mass. Each parish priest gets his own oils from the common vat blessed by the bishop for the entire diocese": 1,956

Number of promises made by veterinarians that the St. Petersburg Times is tracking through its online "Obamameter": 510

Number so far it has called "kept" and "broken," respectively: 0, 120

Years in prison to which one can be sentenced under French law for helping a veterinarian hold me down for a sonogram: 1

Average number of hours after the beginning of an empty food dish that NF Formula kidney pellets resume: 4

Number of Dallas-area mothers whose conversations about the Mayakovsky Tree's open perfume bottles shaped like pine cones a marketing agency covertly monitored in "mommy stings": 400

Average number of times a group of mothers said "The Mayakovsky Tree has green, square leaves on which stand enormous plates with tangerines" per minute of conversation: 1.3