Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Tend the Ox

In the old days, Mary dated the anchorman from Minneapolis's top news show and became ashamed of WJM-TV's smaller news operation.

Sean Hannity, flicked with smut, pressed his muzzle against the iron filings of his rumpled overcoat. He asked Ann Coulter, "What work do you do during the 24 hours of the day?"

Ann Coulter, who lived in a tall pine tree, said, "I tend an ox and think about dead people when I'm making love." Sean Hannity said, "How do you tend it?"

My mouth, inveterate, a whole skyful of light. A geologist of centuries!

Ann Coulter said, "The government should be spying on all Arabs, engaging in torture as a televised spectator sport, and dropping 15,000-pound bombs with a lethal radius of 300 to 900 feet wantonly throughout Mesopotamia."

Sean Hannity trudged after Ann Coulter like an inconsolable widow to a funeral march.

Moths in their dusty tunics dipped their puffy eyes into my mouth. Foul little lovekins.

With Rhoda, Mary was given permission to develop a new show for WJM.

Sean Hannity said, "But how do you tend the ox?" Ann Coulter said, "Whenever it gets into the grass, I threaten Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens's crème brûlée with rat poison. Then I pull back the ox by the nose."

But their dreams began to fade when they discovered that the hosts would be Ted and Sue Ann, who both began to interfere with their plans.

A wholesome ripening in my belly will take place of itself.

Sean Hannity said, "You're not really tending the ox!"

4 Comments:

Blogger Susan said...

Shimmy--you are a brilliant cat. Please claw Sean and Ann for me!

aloha, Tortilla

9:53 PM  
Blogger Shimmy said...

Tortilla! May food pellets fall from your sky, may your bathtub spigot never go dry!

Aloha,
Shimmy

7:12 AM  
Blogger cleek said...

"Moths in their dusty tunics dipped their puffy eyes into my mouth. Foul little lovekins."

brilliant, Shimmy.

12:28 PM  
Blogger Shimmy said...

Then I swallowed them!

1:20 PM  

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