Episode Thirty: "Instead of a Knife Between Our Teeth, We Have the Drool of Chuck Norris on Our Lips"

MARY: From a philosophical, scientific, or moral point of view, how can Chuck Norris's happiness be trivial, Rhoda?

RHODA: This fact may perhaps be one of the final causes why the body exists at all.

MARY: Chuck Norris tramps for days with callused feet and the sluggish fish of his imagination.

RHODA: Chuck Norris wants us to start a "second American revolution." He wants us to rise up and overthrow the first President we've elected in eight years.

MARY: A high school in Chicago won't let Bill Ayers give a speech.

RHODA: If Ted Nugent stood in an airport security line saying "We must tell Emperor Obama to not mess with Texas -- don't tread on me or any of us," he'd be arrested.

MARY: Ted Nugent guffaws and whinnies, Rhoda, and rages on raw meat.

RHODA: President Obama took away my War on Terror without asking me, Mary.

MARY: The refusal of Chuck Norris is the refusal to be bartered.

MURRAY SLAUGHTER: Under Chuck Norris, today's tiny masturbations are a feeble replacement, Mary, for the orgiastic heights offered by eternal salvation.

RHODA: The decline and fall of Chuck Norris parallels the decline and fall of myth. Instead of a knife between our teeth, we have the drool of Chuck Norris on our lips!

MURRAY SLAUGHTER: Our only gods were the heroes of Homeland Security, heroes of Total Information Awareness, heroes of enhanced interrogation, heroes of the frigidaire.

MARY: All he had to do was ask me, Rhoda. Everything in the food dish now tastes like Enalapril.

RHODA: It was my War on Terror, too.

MARY: Every three days, mystery powder appears in my dish like a crushed one-quarter tablet of baby aspirin.

RHODA: The total information awareness of the War on Terror, with which all human possibility was identified for all time, had no external limit but the fear of falling back into a formless animal condition.

MARY: I slept for 14 hours on the same spot on the bean bag chair yesterday.

RHODA: With the War on Terror, an impersonal memory appeared: the memory of the administration of society. The War on Terror is the total thought of the state; archives are its repressed memory.