Sunday, February 01, 2009

Glenn Beck and I Interview Rod Blagojevich

GLENN BECK: Now, I am going to say what I believe is true, and I do believe that Barack Obama is a socialist. He has Marxist tendencies. He may be a full-fledged Marxist. He has surrounded himself with Marxists his whole life.

SHIMMY: Your mouth is sallow and thick with suet, Glenn Beck. You're a crybaby. If only you showed such depth of feeling when you tortured and killed all those dogs (pit bulls).

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: You can bring in 10 angels and 10 saints led by Mother Teresa saying that you did nothing wrong, it won’t matter. I thought about Mandela, Dr. King, and Gandhi and tried to put some perspective to all this. And that is what I am doing now.

SHIMMY: I remember your Salt Satyagraha, when you marched 248 miles from downtown Chicago to make your own salt on the shore of Lake Michigan.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: You could bring in 15 angels and 20 saints led by Mother Theresa to testify on my behalf and it wouldn't matter. But whether it's a court of law or administrative hearing or whether it's schoolyard justice when one kid hits another, but the kid that hit him wasn't the one who did it—he's got other boys he'd like to have tell the teachers he didn't do it.

SHIMMY: I thought I saw a horsefly yesterday. But when I ate it, I only tasted a dust ball.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: I remember when I was a freshman in Congress and I got a chance to be on what they called a conference committee. What a thrill it was for me to be able to be in a room with legendary U.S. senators like John Glenn and Ted Kennedy and John McCain and John Warner, the senator from Virginia who, incidentally, had once been married to Elizabeth Taylor.

SHIMMY: You know, they refused Jesus, too. But you're not him.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: No evidence was presented to prove criminal allegations. There hasn't been any evidence to show or prove any criminal conduct. If they can do this to a governor, they can do this to any citizen in Illinois.

SHIMMY: The evidence is the dogs (pit bulls). The citizenry of Illinois didn't torture them. Glenn Beck did.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: Would she take the call of the governor of Illinois? Because Oprah is Oprah and I'm only the governor of Illinois.

SHIMMY: Those girls don’t all love you, you liar! Impeachment begins, grows, and disappears because dissatisfied people break through the world of official expressions and go beyond its festivals into the cold of interstellar space, thousands of degrees below freezing point or the absolute zero of Fahrenheit or Centigrade.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH: There was a cowboy who was charged with stealing a horse in town. And some of the other cowboys, especially the guy whose horse was stolen, were very unhappy with that guy. And one of the cowboys said, "Let's hang him." Then the other cowboys said, "Hold on. Before we hang him, let's first give him a fair trial. Then we'll hang him."

SHIMMY: Continental drift carries you farther away each day. The virgin forest is less virgin than you!

3 Comments:

Blogger William Keckler said...

SHIMMY: I remember your Salt Satyagraha, when you marched 248 miles from downtown Chicago to make your own salt on the shore of Lake Michigan.

Hahahaha!

That guy is friggin unreal. As we say back East, sorry for your luck. One of the fifty states had to end up with him.

He's like the human equivalent of Kiwi shoe polish.

Every time I see him on the t.v., I'm certain it's an actor David Mamet is paying to play that role. The dialogue is so friggin' Mamet "hyperbolic asshole."

David's got that down pat.

But I love the other Mamet too. Prairie du Chien is a masterpiece, as short plays go.

xo b

10:36 PM  
Blogger William Keckler said...

I tried to follow your blog back but I guess you didn't click that option.

True Buddhist.

I just hit that button one day by accident.

I think it should say "hang out" with this blog.

Or "somewhat dig" this blog.

My word verification looks very slutty.

"hyseorm"

10:39 PM  
Blogger Shimmy said...

I hung out with the blog, somewhat digging it, until my hyseorm quivered and everything went black.

7:16 AM  

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