Tuesday, January 06, 2009

My Index

Estimated number of U.S. lives saved per month by running underneath the bed when you hear someone opening a plastic trash bag: 1,000

Number of U.S. gas stations where the group "Pray at the Pump" has gathered to ask the youngest ambulatory child to bring forth the Baby Jesus figurine from his/her Nativity Set and get it blessed before mass begins, after mass ends, or later in the day at noon or three o'clock: 12

Amount by which the per-gallon price declined the day they prayed at one Alabama station: 3¢

Amount by which the per-gallon price declined the day an empty Lafuma shoe box was brought home for me to sleep inside: 1¢

Percentage of U.S. students aged 12 to 17 who say they've used text-message slang for catarrh, cleanliness, cowbells, Chihuahua, Cochinchina, curlicues, crinology, cacchinnation, coterminous, cow-flop, cicerone, cockroaches, cemeteries, Crêpe Suzette, corn-fed hogs, and citrate of magnesia in their written school assignments: 38

Percentage of U.S. students aged 12 to 17 who think kids who wear glasses are smarter than anyone who thinks Bill Ayers picked Leon Panetta as CIA Director: 79

Percentage of Americans who believe that Michael Savage should have to carry a special I.D.: 39

2 Comments:

Blogger William Keckler said...

To quote the chorus of the Pussycat Dolls' "When I grow up"...

HA HA HA HA.

It's fun to replace the baby Jesus with a green alien baby.

In the middle of the night.

He looks just as cute.

And put the Baby Jesus in the parking lot of ADULT WORLD.

That way when the parishioners see him in the middle of the night in the ADULT WORLD parking lot, they will be afraid and flee in their late model something or other.

Nor glory holes for YOU!

1:07 PM  
Blogger Shimmy said...

The Baby Jesus is the number one chick when he steps out on the scene in the parking lot of ADULT WORLD.

9:45 PM  

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