Episode Twenty: "The Rime of the Ancient Waterboarder" (Part 2 of 2)

MARY: Rhoda, this is crazy. How can you say that Judge Michael Mukasey is a "liberal judicial activist"?

RHODA: When it comes to torture, I'm a strict constructionist myself. An "originalist." We must observe judicial restraint and fidelity to the originally intended meaning of the law.

MARY: I smack the last housefly of summer.

RHODA: Remember Yukio Asano?

MARY: That noise on the windowsill is Charles Schumer.

RHODA: Think about it, Mary. Remember, in May 1947, the U.S. Army declared waterboarding a war crime.

MARY: Yukio Asano was charged with "Violation of the Laws and Customs of War."

RHODA: The Army said that Asano "did willfully and unlawfully mistreat and torture prisoners of war."

MARY: But, Rhoda, this doesn't mean waterboarding is "torture" in 2007.

RHODA: According to the United States Army, "willful and unlawful mistreatment" is: "beating using hands, fists, club; kicking; water torture; burning using cigarettes; strapping on a stretcher head downward."

MARY: Dianne Feinstein says that Mukasey's answers to the Senate Judiciary Committee were "crisp and succinct, and demonstrated a strong, informed and independent mind."

RHODA: Dianne Feinstein and Charles Schumer are playing fetch with mik-bottle-cap rings on the White House lawn.