Who Was Yukio Asano? (Part 2)

"What are you afraid of?" I asked the President of the War on Terror. He sat at the edge of my litter box, kicking his maniacal legs and waving a copy of the Constitution in his right hand.

I had to be careful. He was capable of anything -- grabbing my tail, throwing a tantrum in my box, wetting his pants.

"Just hand over the Constitution," I said. "Aren't you missing your Presidential Daily Briefing? What if you receive another memo that says, 'Bin Laden Determined to Strike in U.S.?' You don't want to miss that, do you?"

He jumped off my litter box and began strapping the Constitution to the board. I noticed a bucket of water next to my box. It all made sense to me now.

I said, "Don't do it. You haven't really given it a chance. You haven't read the Constitution. You don't even know what it says."

"I don't need to," he said. He wrapped the Constitution in cellophane. When he poured water on the Constitution, the cellophane would simulate drowning.

"We've been through this before, Shimmy. You know I can't read. Just stay out of my way. This is important for national security."

I blinked.

"Shimmy, we've picked up a lot of chatter lately. If the terrorists vote next week, they could restore checks-and-balances to the government. This is war. You don't understand."

He continued: "We have circumstantial evidence of checks-and-balances. But we don't want the smoking gun to be a mushroom cloud."