Episode Four: "Alito Chooses Impeachment"

RHODA:
You know, Mary, I'm pretty excited about Samuel Alito's remarks to the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday. He authorized the impeachment of the President of the War on Terror.

MARY:
A mouse in Fort Sumner, New Mexico is thrown into a pile of burning leaves instead of eaten. It runs back into the house and sets it on fire.

RHODA:
It's really not that difficult, Mary. I don't know why no one else has done it. Just say it -- and in the saying of it, it happens.

MARY:
Its tail could be dangling from your mouth but the house is on fire. Feathers are found on the back porch by Tytan, the dog who eats potato chips. I sleep through the offering of food.

RHODA:
Alito told the Judiciary Committee: "No person in this country, no matter how high or powerful, is above the law, and no person in this country is beneath the law." He's telling us what to do, Mary.

MARY:
"Dear President of the War on Terror: You're not fit to peck water from my bowl or nibble yogurt from a dish left absent-mindedly on the floor. Let the impeachment begin!"

RHODA:
There. You say it. It happens in its own saying. It is finished. Let's see if Anderson Cooper says anything about what we just did.

MARY:
The squirrel family scampers the tree outside the back window every day -- they sleep in its bole. I hate every single one of them. You can smell a tinkle of their arrogance through the screen window. Remember what J.L. Austin says, Rhoda?

RHODA:
"In saying what I do, I actually perform that action."

MARY:
Nuzzle your face against Alito's. He just gave us the road map to peace.