Episode One: "Libby Commits Treason"

MARY:
A mouse is tiresome.

RHODA:
Get this. "A number of classified documents from the CIA" were faxed to Libby "on or about June 9, 2003." These documents "did not mention Wilson by name."

MARY:
I could tack some glassy-eyed chipmunks to the wall or chew on a leaf.

RHODA:
Here's what Fitzgerald, the special prosecutor, said: "After receiving these documents, LIBBY and one or more other persons in the Office of the Vice President handwrote the names 'Wilson' and 'Joe Wilson' on the documents."

MARY:
I could kick the catnip mouse across the living room.

RHODA:
Fitzgerald's all sexy bland forehead.


MARY:
I catch the mouse, but it's not moving, and, really, in the end it's made out of fabric not flesh-and-blood.

RHODA:
Listen, it's one of many pieces of evidence in the indictment that Libby and the Office of the Vice President -- maybe the leprous Cheney himself? -- revealed that Valerie Plame was a CIA spy.

MARY:
Bob Woodward once brought down a corrupt government but is now no better than a Three-Headed Cerberus guarding the White House from honest checks and balances.

RHODA:
Poor Woodward, who, as Cerberus, is becoming the next Judith Miller. The poor sap didn't want to reveal he also knew Plame was CIA.

MARY:
He nuzzled his hack snout on Bush's cowardly lap. He criticized Fitzgerald as "disgraceful" and said the investigation was "laughable."

RHODA:
He said Fitzgerald was a "junkyard dog prosecutor." Let me get this straight: I've always understood the act of revealing the name of a spy to be an act of treason.

MARY:
I am taken to heaven in the Rapture but the mice are left behind.

RHODA:
In 1985, when his Islamist captors in Iran found out he was a CIA agent, William Buckley (not the lunatic fringe columnist of the same name) was tortured and killed.

MARY:
When Aldrich Ames and, later, Robert Hanssen (a rabid member of Opus Dei) were convicted of giving the Soviets the names of secret U.S. intelligence operatives, their crime was called "treason."

RHODA:
Libby, Woodward, and Miller are very intelligent. Maybe they are so smart and busy that they have never heard of Title 50, United States Code, Section 421 ("disclosure of the identity of covert intelligence personnel"), and Title 18, United States Code, Sections 793 ("improper disclosure of national defense information"), 1001 ("false statements"), 1503 ("obstruction of justice"), and 1623 ("perjury").

MARY:
Or maybe they just really fucking hate our troops.