Tuesday, July 08, 2008

List XXIII: Eat Your Barbecue and Shut Your Mouth

"Mr. Clinton better watch out if he comes down here. He'd better have a bodyguard" (Jesse Helms threatening the President's life, 1994).

"To rob the Negro of his reputation of thinking through a problem in his own fashion is about the same as trying to pretend that he doesn't have a natural instinct for rhythm and for singing and dancing" (Jesse Helms, 1956).

"The New York Times and Washington Post are both infested with homosexuals themselves. Just about every person down there is a homosexual or lesbian" (Jesse Helms, 1995).

"Crime rates and irresponsibility among Negroes are a fact of life which must be faced" (Jesse Helms, 1981).

"I shall never forget the stream of school kids marching uptown to place flowers on the Courthouse Square monument on Confederate Memorial Day" (Jesse Helms, 1956).

"There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy" (Jesse Helms, 1988).

"I'm going to make her [Carol Moseley-Braun] cry. I'm going to sing Dixie until she cries" (Jesse Helms, 1993).

"All Latins are volatile people. Hence, I was not surprised at the volatile reaction" (Jesse Helms, 1986).

"Homosexuals are weak, morally sick wretches" (Jesse Helms, 1995).

"I'm so old-fashioned I believe in horse whipping" (Jesse Helms, 1991).

"Your tax dollars are being used to pay for grade-school classes that teach our children that cannibalism, wife-swapping, and murder of infants and the elderly are acceptable behavior" (Jesse Helms, 1996).

3 Comments:

Blogger William Keckler said...

I was shocked to learn that the critter was only, what? 86 years old? I had him pegged at 178, if he was a day. But then again, I was surprised that a pile of shit could fill out a suit like that...well now he can really be pro-tobacco in that pure organophosphate way that says, "I really mean this." I hope they put a stake in the heart though, and buried him at a crossroads. You don't want THAT coming back anytime soon.

Although an undead Jesse Helms would make for a good comic book villain.

"HE CAN'T LEGISLATE ANYMORE, THAT'S WHY HE'S CRAVING BLOOD AND GORE..."

Well, I think I have my Halloween costume for this October picked out already...worm in the forehead, GONE WITH THE WIND in one pocket, Bible with highlighter and scissors swinging from them...

mwuahaha.....

11:05 AM  
Blogger William Keckler said...

And the CATS THAT LOOK LIKE HITLER gets my vote for best blog on the internet...

just what i always needed but never knew it...

IRA LEVIN almost had it right with THE BOYS FROM THE BRAZIL...

We should have known he'd be SNEAKIER than that...he KNEW we'd be looking for him to come back as a human, and here he is manifesting everywhere...in the slyest form imaginable...let's hope it's not too late!

11:08 AM  
Blogger A. said...

You know who's gonna miss him? Motherfuckers, that's who.

4:33 PM  

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