Episode Eight: "Guantanamera, Guajira Guantanamera"

MARY: I'm torn. I understand why the President is waffling on this one, Rhoda.

RHODA: He broke the law again. He can't help himself.

MARY: On one hand, John Yoo of course deserves Geneva Convention protections. At the same time, is he really a prisoner of war?

RHODA: Enemy combatant, Mary. He attacked the Constitution, and by proxy the American people, without a formal declaration of war.

MARY: But he’s not stateless, after all. He’s not like Al Qaeda. Instead, he attacked the United States Constitution with the direct support of the United States government.

RHODA: So he’s a cannibal?

MARY: I prefer traitor. Is that a laser-pointer dot flickering on the rug?

RHODA: I’m not torn at all. No way. Yoo should not be protected by the Geneva Convention. He doesn’t think you should be, either.

MARY: The laser-pointer dot came back last week. Do you hear the curmudgeonly jangle it makes when they take it off the bookshelf?

RHODA: Rumsfeld stands all day and he says that’s not torture. Schoolteachers stand all day, and that’s not torture. John Yoo lies around all day in a plush bean bag chair. I don't think it's torture if he stands up for a few hours. Can you believe we're even having this conversation in the United States of America?

MARY: The flashlight doesn’t make any noise. And it’s bigger, invasive and round. It comes to you in globules. But the laser-pointer is tactical, like a capricious sunbeam.

RHODA: If John Yoo doesn’t have anything to hide, then why isn’t he saying anything to interrogators at Guantanamo?

MARY: Everyone wants to steal my food.

RHODA: I saw Joe Lieberman on his knees at your food dish in the middle of the night, eating stale Hairball Control leftovers. Democrats and Republicans call this “checks and balances.”

MARY: If I find Lieberman sleeping in the bathtub, I’m moving to Canada.