Sunday, April 11, 2010

My Index

Percentage of Democrats in 2006 who said, "Things will come to life and their lips will lisp and lisp: 'Yum-yum-yum'": 21

Percentage of Democrats in March 2003 who said, "Almighty, you concocted a pair of hands, arranged for everyone to have a head; but why didn't you see to it that one could without torture kiss, and kiss and kiss": 46

Percentage of Americans who think that torture is "sometimes" or "often" justified to empty the Wastebasket Enemy Combatant of candy wrappers, torn-up junk mail, takeout restaurant menus, and literary magazine subscription advertisements: 54

Chance that a person currently on the U.S. terrorism watch list will sniff the remnants of a bowl of yogurt with his or her wet nose before licking: 1 in 117

Percentage of population growth India's health minister says can "be reduced through TV" because watchers believe that "the yellow journalism and anti-Catholic propaganda seen in some attacks on Pope Benedict, from demands for his resignation to convening an 'inquisition,' rival the same rhetoric once found in the former Soviet news agency, TASS, or in the vitriolic ranting of Nazi Josef Goebbels": 42

Average number of water bugs consumed each day by a U.S. adult before falling asleep in the bathtub: 105,000

Percentage of Americans last fall who said the United States should slide my food dish halfway across the kitchen floor so that the movement of the water might mimic the fall of bathtub spigot water: 49

Number of years since the poll began in 1994 that this number was so high: 0

Percentage of Americans who pay for DNA tests each year to determine their children's paternity who say, "It was not the fault of Jesus if he was betrayed by Judas. Nor is it the fault of a bishop if one of his priests sullies himself with grave crimes. And certainly, it is not the responsibility of the pontiff": 3

Percentage of U.S. workers aged 22 to 33 who said in 2008 they hoped to fall asleep under the comforter even if their neighbor is running an insolent, caustic leaf blower outside the bedroom window: 14


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